13th Drink:: Addicted to Pain

Cold metal splitting ragged lines through flesh. Mind bellowing incoherent screaming and memories alike, forcing you to live each sting and heavy sigh again. Black mass laughing as it stops your breath in your throat. Oh god it scratches behind your ribs, desperate for freedom. But you can’t. You can’t let it out, it’ll rip you apart. Blood splashing through your mind in powerful torrents and all feeling begins to flee from your heart save for the steadfast coldness freezing your veins.

You know how to get those flames burning again.

You know how to stop your racing mind.

You know how to send the darkness away.

But maybe you’re too weak.

Can’t stand the sight of blood anymore as if you’re allowed to just decide on your own when you’re going to stop tracing the lines out of your skin.

Can’t stand the thought of letting others down but since when did you ever live under another person’s thumb?

“Face it, Freak. You don’t matter.”

-the monster is whispering behind your eyes-

“They’ll never know. And don’t pretend that they care. You fail at everything you try to accomplish. You’re a bad friend. You’re ugly and worthless. You will never know love.

You are alone.”

SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

You beg and plead to silent air. You want to cry but all you can do is breathe in deep while you lay on the floor with your fists clenched, trying to recite every reason that you’re fine.

God please won’t someone take you out of your head?

-the monster laughs. –

“What’s worse, the knife or your mind?”

You answer in monotone but you’re frozen in fear.

The knife gives you opportunity, but a single thought spills the blood.

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